Had RS meeting tonight. It was on Creating and they handed each lady some salt dough to create something with as the night went on. I had been working on a pinch pot and spent the better part of an hour as I listened to the classes smoothing it out and shaping it. Talked to my friend M about some issues going on right now, including that T's last day of work is Thursday. Suddenly, she pointed down at the pot I had painstakingly worked on. I hadn't even noticed that while I was talking to her and she was asking how I was doing and I was answering that I was just fine, that I had pulverized the dough and was clenching it in my fingers. She looked at me. Fine?
No, I wouldn't say fine is the exact word. I paced the floor a little tonight. T explained how the first 4 people were let go and they had him on hand in case anyone reacted poorly and it was felt like yesterday when at his last job he had to fire everybody else in the layoffs knowing that he too would be let go, but they let him do it because he had compassion and they knew that he would do it right and be thorough and then he filled out his own paperwork for termination. It felt like that again as he explained how he sat with a man today who took an hour to clean out his desk because he was a little bit in shock. T sat with him. He told me that he hopes someone is with him when he cleans out his desk. I don't know why, but something closed up deep inside me with just that image.
So, no fine wouldn't be the word I would choose right now. Even though I'm on autopilot and I will probably say fine if anyone asks me how I am. Just look down and see if I'm squishing something in my hands though.
Fine is such a lame word isn't it? It is the word we are taught to say when asked how we are doing...it comes from our lips without a thought and doesn't even have enough emmotion to sound like a lie! Hang in there girl. Ironic isn't it how Tony is exactly who they want around at the end to make things go smoothly and then he is given his own end. Sounds to me though that there must honestly be a shortage of work or they couldn't let someone they respect as much as Tony go.
ReplyDeleteMy fine turned into poop this week too. I thought I was on the right track and had found Dr's who would perform the only test I haven't tried. Everything looked promising and felt right until I was informed that all five doctors at the clinic had seen my records and were refusing me as a patient. I didn't even know they could do that in America...what the heck? It would not have burned so badly except that I had already been refused by two previous docs...so I guess I am just one of those "untouchable patients" now. Maybe my records say leprosy somewhere??
Anyway thought I would comment here so you could read it right away and know we are praying for your sweet family. I am addicted to your blog so keep it up!
Love
T
You married a good, good man.
ReplyDeletePoor salt dough. Keep your chin up and I'll keep my prayers coming.
Oh Rachel, I know how this feels. Just make sure you're "pulverizing" something as malleable as salt dough that can take it. =)
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