Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 10

Word count: 1,782.

Tomorrow I begin National Novel Writing Month.  The goal is 50,000 words for the month.  I have finished a grand total of 23,709 words thus far which means I am almost halfway to my goal going in.  50,000 is around 175 pages total and I have a feeling this story is more like 200 to 250 pages which would be around 62,000 words or so.  I have around 35-40,000 more words to go.

It's hard not to edit as I go since I'm a perfectionist.  No not with grammar, but I like my words to have punch, I like my prose to be poetic.  In fact, my writing group laughed at my last submission as they said some of it sounded like it was in iambic pentameter.  I'm a short story gal, so elongating scenes and writing boring "detail" are hard for me.  I like action and things to be happening all the time, so this has been a real challenge for me.  I also write my stories one line at a time and I am afraid I will reach a point where I don't know what happens.  The payoff to writing one line at a time though is that things do stay fresh and exciting for me since my characters constantly surprise me. 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Day 9

Why is it when I write something in the moment it seems like drivel, but then I go back and read it later and it's pretty good?  I wonder how much of my writing I've thrown away because I think it's not good enough and that now I should regret getting rid of.  I can think of a few journals.  I burned one of my journals as a teenager.  No, that was probably some writing that was better as ash.  I wouldn't know though.  I can't remember.  Maybe it was really profound. 

314 words tonight.  

Friday, October 29, 2010

Day 8

Word count: 544

I tend to see things in very black and white terms.  If I decide to do something, my will is pretty strong.  I remember when I first changed my eating habits, I never wondered if or when I would go back.  Something in my mind had already decided I just was done doing what I had been doing, eating the crap I had been eating.  Going to the temple every week, same thing.  In that case I desperately needed the blessings.  That was my motivation for stepping inside that first week.  I realized the other day the profound blessings that have come into my life by being there.

Like this blog, there are people there who keep me honest, hold me accountable for showing up.  I have built relationships there with people who work within those walls, that I hold very dear to my heart.  I had to miss when my daughter was hospitalized and they were so worried when I didn't come.  They knew something awful must have happened since I am always there.  
I wish I could say it worked for everything in my life.  Today I had a little melt down.  My body is doing better and I sometimes don't take the time to rest that I used to.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I took a nap.  Maybe last week?  Those of you who know me well, know I ALWAYS take and need a nap.  I think it's caught up with me.  My body kind of gave out and I knew I needed to lie down.  I was upset and I lost my temper...again.

I fail again and again.  I wake up every day determined to do my best and some days I do well and some days I struggle.

In tears, I asked why, why can't I conquer my anger like some of the other goals I've laid out for myself?  The answer came through my ever patient help meet who reminded me that that is what the atonement is for.  That those things that I will never be able to achieve just by my "strong will" fall under the benevolent grace of my Master.  I need to need Him.  I need to claim the gift He gives me.  It doesn't matter how many days or weeks or months or years in a row I do anything...I need Him in everything I do.  So I'm doing the same thing in my goal to write here.  It doesn't occur to me to skip a day, but that's not because I'm trying to be perfect on my own.  I'm just trying to strengthen my character, work out the talents I've been given and get ready to humble myself and apply the atonement in my life because I have need of it. 

So I keep trying.  That's all I can do and I may not have 8 days or let's face it 8 hours under my belt of not getting frustrated or upset, but I will give Him something to work with.  I remember in high school pottery I just wanted to make a cute little pinch pot, but all I ever could mold out of my clay was this cumbersome misshapen cauldron.  I'm a cauldron now, but enough times getting re-thrown on that wheel and enough times in that kiln and at the end of eternity and a day I may just become that dang cute little pinch pot I want to become.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day 7

Okay, today I couldn't make myself write.  I even had the thought, what was I thinking???  I am making a homemade Revolutionary war soldier costume, a pink bird costume, and my husband's group at work is dressing up as members of KISS.  Oh yes, they are.  There is something inherently wrong about painting your hubby's fingernails black and styling his wig.  He looks pretty rad.  I think pictures are a must.

Word count: measly 210.  I admit my heart wasn't in it today.  

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 6

Only 100 words today.  It's amazing to me that 100 words are equivalent to a short paragraph.  It goes so fast.  Don't have a lot of time.  I'm going to a witchy party with my friend A and had an eventful day, so here I sit writing now.  I've got to go do something about my hair, though witches usually have rat nests for hair, right?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 5

Word count today: 1,349.  It's coming easier now, now that I have nothing to lose.  I used to think I related to the character of the mother in this story the most.  I find that I don't.  I relate well to the teenage girl.  In fact, the words are just flowing from her POV.  It was when I was in the mom's head that I stumbled.  

I am into a rhythm now.  I get the kids to bed at 8 and write until 9, sometimes less than that.  Then I do my Pilates for an hour and try to get to bed. 

The great thing about this is that my hubby has been writing more too.  My son has told me he needs to write out a story he has in his head.  And my baby girl, she just rhymes every word she can...a poet in the making.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 4

My favorite thing about this project?  My sis n' law just texts me.  "Where's Day 4?  Hubby gets home late.  "How's Day 4 going?"  There's something right in the world about that. 

Pandora is my best friend during this process.  I seem to do better with music in the background.  My ghost story was Dashboard Confessional, my Wedlock piece was actually written without music.  Hmm....I wonder why that was?  I remember being afraid when I wrote that piece just because I had no idea what was going to happen and it was a creepy premise.  With this novel, I still prefer alternative:  Death Cab for Cutie, Something Corporate, Jack's Mannequin, though I like to go more classical for the voice of the mom.  Well, that was random.

 Word count: 1,273.  Aw ya.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Day 3

Today at church my dear friend L came up to me.  She had thought about me all night after our ward WON our roadshow.  She said the timing of me being asked to cowrite the script in conjuction with feeling prompted to seize the day and write every day was a tender mercy.  A benevolent Father whispering in my ear to share the words in my heart.  I'm so grateful to her, for her words.  I had felt the same way, but didn't know how to express it. 

The trophy was huge and I jumped up and down like a mad woman, but I would do it again and again.  This brought our ward together, our youth together and they were SO great!  I had the time of my life.   I hope we can do it every year.

Word count today: 711

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 2

Only 128 words today, one real paragraph.  How does a mommy do this?  Spent the morning doing dress rehearsals for the road show written by the lovely Miss M and yours truly.  Been given a huge role in seeing the script of ours come to life.  The two leads didn't show and I filled in as "Ma Bell."  Afraid I may have to fill one of the roles tonight for the actual performances, but thinking positively.   The kids rock!  They are doing so well with their parts.  Don't know what we'd do without all the support of the YW/YM leaders.

House needs an overhaul, the dishes are overflowing, daughter just got out of her pajamas at almost 3 PM and I have two hours before I have to meet at the church to get ready for tonight's performances.  The title is 'Dickens Unplugged' and have had a blast being a part of this whole thing.

Over and out.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 1

I am a writer.  I have nothing to show for this claim.  No published works, not even the best command of the English language.  My grammar is abysmal.

Today I made a decision.  I am no longer going to not write.  I have friends going to New York and I long to go too, but I can't afford to go.  I have things I want to accomplish.  The only reason I have not had success is that I haven't put forth the time and effort.  There are stories inside me.  I  have a lifetime of experience, good and bad to draw from and nobody will tell it exactly like I will.

I realize the concept of doing something for a year is not new.  I've seen Julie/Julia and different blogs that have different subjects for a year.  I only do this to hold my own feet to the fire.  I have accomplished a lot in my life.  Made a lot of changes to better myself.  I can not sit by and let my talents go by the wayside.  I also realize that no one will probably read this except me, but starting today, October 22nd, 2010 I will begin my writing life.

I have signed up for National Novel Writing Month in November. and I intend to submit my word count every day.   I will either be adapting my short story into a novel or finishing the novel I've started.