Day 165

I'm writing this very frazzled, so bear with me.   I wish I had it all together.  I only have two children and you would think I had twelve half the time.  Why do I even bother cleaning my house?  Little C trashes a room in three minutes.  She trashes every room by the time each day is over.  She wakes up at the crack of dawn and calls out our names until long after I'm ready for bed, usually hours after she's been put down.  I seriously wish I could get rid of all of our stuff.  What's so bad about going back to pioneer times and her only toy is a corn husk doll and C has a rock and a stick?  In my kitchen, I would have two bowls and a tin cup we all share out of and maybe a churn and a washboard.  Every day I sweep the floor and organize the two goose feather mattresses I own and darn my husband's only pair of socks, and milk the cow and gather eggs for our breakfast.  No mass amount of stuff that everyone just shifts around from room to room.  It's like shackles around my ankles. I know, I know, if I lived in that past era, every winter someone gets sick and maybe dies and I quickly hurt myself churning all that butter.  But the simplicity of it all.  Going to town on Sundays.  Chatting with neighbors on the front porch.  Reading by firelight.  Riding down a country road with a simple horse and buggy.  Brilliant.

Sorry I am whining.  I adore my kids.  C was home sick today and it threw me all off schedule.  I have scouts here tomorrow and my house is a toxic waste dump.  T is working late again and I have about three loads of dishes, laundry, and I'm knee deep in clutter.  I think we are all over tired.  T is getting over being sick and not sleeping, neither of the kids are sleeping well and I know I'm overtired.  I feel like I'm just reacting through my days this week.   Little C, the two of us will clean up the rooms together tomorrow.  If I just help her do it, she's actually an amazing little cleaner. 

   So yea, for motherhood!!  Yea for modern conveniences!!  Yea for chores!!  Yea for the building of character!! 

Boo for total selfishness which is rearing it's big ole' ugly head on my scrawny neck.