Day 154

I've decided I need a burnt orange car next.  My silver car is boring.  I wore my glasses today and I got so many compliments that I may wear them again tomorrow.  One of my cute friends from the temple had to check my left hand for a ring because she said she's been wanting to set me up with her 31 year old son.  That just flatters me on so many levels, so I told her if things don't work out it's nice to have a plan B....


JUST KIDDING.   T, I would never say that.  Hee hee.

Day 153

Since I've made sure little C has been in bed by 7 as opposed to 8, she has done beautifully.  She is in a phase where she wants me to rock her to sleep and sing lullabies and the honest truth is, I love it.  Somewhere in that act I can appreciate that she is but a baby though she daily reminds me she is in actuality, a teenager.  With C so tuned into friends and activities which he has free reign in once all of his homework, music, and chore obligations are done with, I am cherishing these moments that she is my little shadow.  Sorry to get all verklempt and somewhat emotional here, but the kids growing up is very bittersweet for me and I'm really feeling it right now.

How to capture these moments and then realize in the moment the significance is hard for me.  I remember the feelings, the peace, the sublimity, but there's never quite enough time until later to truly ponder on it all.  Now I'm waxing philosophical.  Yikes.  Perhaps I too need a 7 pm bedtime. 

Day 152

Went to a reading with the lovely J to listen to Michael Ondaatje.  I only recently learned how to pronounce his name, but his words are like honey on the tongue.  We saw a couple of the professors at the U's MFA program and they were as militant as usual, but still they intrigue me and I wonder if I won't work with them someday.  They still intimidate me though and I'm afraid they will shred my words to bits.  

Thanks for the fried pickles J, and everything else.

Day 151

Found a preschool for little C starting in August.  The lady seems really nice and has been doing it for years.  A few of my friends from my old ward highly recommended her so I'm feeling pretty good about it.  I've been doing spring cleaning all day and trying to streamline everything so that less feels like more.  My DI bags are bulging and ready to go.  It is truly therapeutic for me to "dejunk" all the clutter that seems to accumulate way too fast.

Day 150

In honor of 150 days of this, I just posted on my family blog.  I know.  Keeling over from shock yet?  Check it out.  Everyone should still remember that address.  Dust it off.  If you need it, email me.  I may actually keep posting there TOO.  Whoa.

Day 149

Just got back from a local musical improv show.  It was such a blast.  T and I both looked at each other and said someday that would be so much fun to do.  Thanks J and B for a great date. 

Day 148

Life's all about choices.  Do I clean the kitchen after dinner, help C with homework, read to little C, or talk to T?  After the kids go to bed do I write, spend time with T, work on church stuff, get caught up on laundry, or a myriad of a hundred other things?  Up until lately I have used up to an hour to write, but I admit its been really hard lately.  I sit in front of the computer and stare at the screen.  In the old days, I had a yellow legal pad that I carried around and did all my writing long hand.  Have I lost that ability?  I need to try again.  C mentioned writing prompts and poetry challenges.  I need my feet under the fire.  I will keep trying though.  I just need to carve out even mere minutes each day. 

Day 147

Last year C had a great school year.  His teacher didn't expect a lot from him and he had an easy going year.  He was really happy.  This year I have LOVED his teacher and she demands great things from him, but he has really struggled.  Do I request the male 5th grade teacher who he has for spelling and loves, but who is way easy going or the female "teacher or the year" who will be really tough, I've heard?  At first, I thought the female teacher so as to keep him organized and in the more challenging class, but then I began thinking that a boy at this age needs all the male role models in his life he can get and would he thrive more with a man teacher even if he's more lax?  I don't know.  I'm meeting with his teacher soon for a parent teacher conference, but I remember fifth grade being a big defining year for me and I want what's best for C.   After all is said and done, deep in my heart I think I know what I will do.  I will let C decide and he will pick the male teacher and it will be a good year for him and if his desk goes back to looking like a radio active waste dump, I will smile as I'm grinding my teeth to nubs, but at least I will always know which desk belongs to him.  Ugh, but the female teacher is one of the best at the school and her class is thriving.  Ya, I'm going to talk to his teacher this year about it.   Thanks for letting me have my stream of consciousness moment here.  As you were...

Day 146

Had a neat experience today which strengthened my writing resolve.  The only thing I've written so far this evening is a grocery list.  I've been really tired the last few days.   I've been concerned about C.  He hasn't slept well for weeks.  He just can't turn his mind off and often T and I will find he's still awake at 11 or so when we go to bed.  His alarm goes off at 6 AM so he can leave for school at 7:30.  I'm concerned about him.  I can tell he's exhausted.  We gave him a relaxation CD with the sound of the ocean, but he says it doesn't help.  His dad gave him a blessing tonight. 

Day 145

Went to support a friend at court today.  She hasn't seen her kids in a year.  What she has had to endure makes me beyond sad.  Little C was good at the stake meeting I had to bring her to.  She made rainbows on the chalkboard as we discussed what to put in the hygiene kits for conference.  And tonight we went to M's and played Beatles' Rockband with her and her family.  Apparently, C is a drummer and a singer.  I never would have known.  Happy 15 years today, T.  I love you.

Day 144

I wrote a post and I couldn't publish it.  Seriously, I felt like it was the cheesiest thing I'd ever written.  So instead I'm going to post a few of my favorite things:

The Lord-my Savior, my friend, my only HOPE
My family-Of all the people created, sands of the sea, I got three of the best, the jewels of my life
Friends-angels, best friends on earth, the Lord knows who I need to get through this life
Temple-I think only the Lord truly knows how much I adore this place-there are no words adequate enough
My testimony-This is my favorite thing about me
Pilates-My life is forever altered
Knowledge and Revelation-I love that my hubby and kids love this as much as I do, maybe more
Sunflower Market-Disneyland for me
Plato's closet-I cannot say enough about this place
A good party-anytime, anywhere
When someone makes me laugh and I don't expect it-priceless
Words, music, art-anything of beauty a human being has created with Deity's assistance, gorgeous

Day 143

It's been a while since T and I have gone out.  We went to dinner and the adult session of stake conference and a get together afterward.  Our sitter had to go at 9, so I hired a second one so we could hit the party.  I realize that we need a date night every week.  I had forgotten how much we both need that.

  It is expensive with the sitter.  I always pay them generously and my reasoning is I always want the sitters to feel like its a sweet gig at my house.  They get good money and they essentially just have to play with little C.  C was off at friends' until the last hour tonight, so its essentially just watching one child anyway. 

C's first babysitter was a boy.  I came home the first night and this young man was reading his scriptures after he put C to bed.   I was amazed.  This young man is having his mission farewell that we are attending tomorrow.  I cannot believe how many years ago that was. 

Day142

My PT recommended the Karate Kid movie with Will Smith's boy and she said C would love it.  He did and was riveted by the end and the whole family enjoyed it.  In fact, little C said, "I want to do that!"  The next thing I know, she is doing pushups off our recliner.  The movie was more for C's benefit, but now I have a three year old who wants to do Kung Fu.  In fact, she just showed me a few moves.

Any questions?   Cuz I have a few...

Day 141

So they put me in charge of ward game night and they are advertising it as "foolishly" fun since it falls on April Fools.  It's one thing to plan fun, but to plan foolish fun takes some skill and planning. :)  We had our meeting here tonight and I'm so grateful other people are actually willing to help with this.  I truly hope its fun and that we get a huge turnout.   Since this is turning into a church news report, I also got called as Webelos' leader and am on a committee for a service project for Stake Womens' conference. 

Amen.

Day 140

I think it is no secret; Relief Society is a blast,

And let’s face it, this great auxiliary has got quite the past.

I’ll only share a few decades, 30’s-60’s, that’s just four,

I know I learned a bunch of stuff I never knew before.

In the 1930’s Singing Mothers’ Chorus’s were a hit,

All were welcome, be they songbirds or tone deafs; every body fit.

The new welfare program flourished with the women at the wheel,

Donations were made to the Relief Society who used them to bless and heal.

Sisters got to canning and every 10^th jar gave away,

to the Bishop’s storehouse where soon the shelves were stocked for rainy days.

Mormon Handicraft was started up in 1937,

It still endures to this day, Robin, do all quilters go to Heaven?

During this cool era, as a rule hats were quite the thing,

Sisters wore them to their meetings and even just to sing.

“Could you take them off, you’ll block the view, please let others see,”

But the words sometimes fell on deaf ears, though the Brethren would often plea.

President Louise Robison was conducting a meeting one day,

Looked out over a sea of hats and without further delay

Told the women between the hymnbooks, notes, and hats down in their laps,

Surely the act of rising to sing might make them all collapse.

There was laughter and chatter, perhaps a few “oh rats!”

But wouldn’t you know they all took off those hats.

In the 40’s was the birth of family hour, now FHE,

There were 115,000 members of Relief Society.

This decade saw the centennial of this auxiliary,

Though because of war there were cancellations of some festivities.

Women had drives for rubber, paper, and aluminum scraps,

They adopted emergency preparedness, on food and gas there was a cap.

Home beautification programs were now victory gardens instead,

Where sisters grew enough for family and made sure soldiers too were fed.

 Does the thought of visiting teaching now ever make you tired?

Well, did you know have it pretty good, in the 40’s you could be fired.

Each sister had a report book throughout the year to use,

filled with instructions, dates of visits, and special needs and news.

Not all women were called to visit teach, alternates could too help out,

And scheduled visits weren’t encouraged, as most women were home no doubt.

Visiting teachers were called over districts, which meant routes of four to eight,

If they weren’t consistently coming to their meetings they would be replaced post-haste.

 In the 50’s because many gals had worked outside to help the war,

The Relief Society encouraged them to return home and aid the poor.

Home education and social service were both emphasized,

And the women sent to war torn Europe, tons of relief and supplies.

 The Relief Society building you now see on Temple Square,

Was paid for by five dollar donations from women everywhere.

In those days it was quite the sacrifice, so many families were very poor,

In faith they raised the money, all names are located in books on the building’s first floor.

In the 60’s programs were realigned under priesthood direction,

No more separate budgets, relief society dues, weekly meetings; quite a big production

The relief society magazine which had been in print 50 years or more,

Encouraged members to send in poetry and stories by the score.

Being 90 years of age was honored in the birthday section,

And having as many as 16 kids was given special mention.

During the changes this publication was discontinued to great dismay,

Though the Ensign, Friend, and New Era prove their mettle, I must say.

 ‘Dare to be different’ was the motto dear Belle Spofford used,

To combat immodest 60’s styles in case women got confused.

Though I doubt these stalwart sisters had too much time to waver,

They joined the March of Dimes, Red Cross; a community of Saviors.

I hope we will remember what this sisterhood is all about,

And the women who have gone before us.  Happy Birthday, Relief Society.  Peace, out.

Day 139

I wore my favorite shirt tonight, the one that looks like a dress.  I presented my poem for the RS birthday party and I think it went over pretty well.  It rhymed and I usually don't write rhyming poetry, but I think it was just the thing.  I admit I like being in front of a group of people even though I also like sitting back down.   I came home a little after 10 and T asked me what I was doing home, since its my tendency to be out til all hours on Enrichment nights.

I am longing for something, some adventure.  That always means that I am longing to be creative, I think.  I just feel like the mountains of this valley (which I love by the way) are closing in around me and I just want to get in the car and keep driving without a care in the world.  I know, I know, this blog is about my writing adventure, but I think I need a change of scenery to help the process.

Day 138

It's 10:30 and I just finished my poem for the RS b-day party that I have to read tomorrow night.  I still have to exercise, do the dishes, and do a load of whites.  I have to drop T off at work tomorrow because the second wife needs a tummy tuck under her hood, C off to school and little C with me as I then volunteer in his class, so it's a really early day.  I would have had this all done, but tonight was dance class, buying new glasses for my little boy whose new prescription is a whopping -300 and not getting home to eat and have FHE until after 7.  Seriously, how does everybody get things done like sleeping?  I know I just need to focus on one thing at a time, but I feel like I'm just running in circles and then falling down in a heap.

Day 137

Sat up all evening talking to my siblings and parents.  T took the kids home early so I could have some time to just shoot the breeze with my family.  I just love my sister in laws.  I feel so blessed that my siblings married such cool people.  My sis in laws are like my sisters and I love them.  

I have two days to come up with something clever and interesting for the RS birthday party timeline thingy I'm supposed to present Tuesday.  I've been so busy I haven't even started it yet.  Talk about procrastination. 

Day 136

I'm still getting used to the fact that little C wants to go outside and play with her friends in the warm weather and not just go on a walk with her Mama like she wanted to do last year.  Oh, don't get me wrong, she still wants to spend time with me, but if push comes to shove she wants to be with little friends until she gets tired or cold or snuggly and then she's all my girl again.  She often asks us if we will go on a date so she can get a babysitter just because she loves to play with the girls we get to babysit so much.   I remember being little and friends being important to me very early on. 

T is now writing every night as well and truth be told he is getting a higher word count than I am.  I am just in a writing slump and I don't know how to get my mojo back.

Day 135

It was so nice to be at the SL temple and not being the ones getting married.  T and I were married there 15 years ago and then had our luncheon at the Lion House and guess where the luncheon was today?  Yep, the Lion House and same room as we had.  Talk about a blast from the past!  All T and I could say was we were so grateful it wasn't us today.  To start all over again.  15 years is like a badge of honor or something.  We've earned these stripes and scars and laugh lines and anger lines and thinning hair and inside jokes.  A, I didn't get a pic of myself today!!  I will have to get some pics of the dresses and post them.  I didn't end up wearing the shoes and I'm glad because we walked all over downtown.  The bride's dress made me break the 10th commandment.  I was coveting all over the place!!  I don't want to get married again, but I wouldn't mind wearing a fabulous wedding gown one day just for fun!  Mine seems so dated, so circa 1996.

And I know I'm breaking a bunch of semi colons hearts by refusing to use them, c'est la vie.

Day 134

A  banner day in parenting.   My mom was supposed to pick up C for his early day, forgot it was his early day and was still a few towns down south when school got out.  I was napping and after 75 minutes of waiting, C called his dad to come pick him up.  Little C fell down the stairs and landed on her nose, blood everywhere.  I think I will write a handbook on how to be an effective parent.  Obviously, I need to be teaching the masses. 

Tomorrow T and I go to a wedding for T's best bud.  I bought a few Plato's Closet dresses I am going to choose from to wear, one of which I splurged and bought a turquoise pair of peep toed heels.  The highest heels I have ever owned, but these shoes are delicious and go perfectly with this one dress I found.   Walking in them may be precarious, but worth the practice. :)

Day 133

I just went to a baby shower for the sweetest lady.  What's not so sweet is that I put my foot in my mouth 37.5 times or thereabouts.  I don't do small talk very well and invariably if I get a little nervous something inappropriate or ho ho rather than ha ha comes out.  Ya.  In other news, I am struggling to write.  There's a little local writing contest our city is doing for a short story of 3,000 words or less and I may do it with my friend M so that it forces us to keep fighting the good fight in which I mean me against the words and the fact that they aren't coming out. 

Day 132

I try to be patient, I really do.  The end of the days are very trying.  Like when we are saying family prayer and little C just wants to tackle everyone, but I'm not expecting it and she clocks me.  Or looking down at C's uniform and its covered in orange goo and he can't seem to remember what it was and then after thinking about it for a while he says its orange juice he had last Friday.  WHA?!?  And all I seriously want to do is eat some English muffins and watch Gossip Girl which I know I shouldn't.  Would you believe I just like it because of the fashion?  But I try to not watch it because its trashy, but I still want an English muffin slathered in peanut butter because its how I get through the orange goo and bruise on my face...

Day 131

I'm at a loss as to what to post about today.   T just got a call from his father.  As most of you know, his father and I haven't been on the best of terms for around 13 or 14 years.  Well, his father was crying because his father's best friend was just found and had shot and killed himself.  T and I both felt prompted like T needs to give his father a blessing.  The prospect seems daunting because his father is so opposed to the church, but maybe this would be just the time.  T says he doesn't remember a time when this friend wasn't in his father's life and all I can remember about this particular man was a suggestive comment he made once about a poster I had when I first got married.  I took the poster down the next day.    He had lived by himself for many years and made his way through life traveling and hunting.  I feel so bad for him and his family and T's father.  

Day 130

Saturdays are crazy days for me.  I go to a Pilates class and then go straight to work for a few hours.  Today I didn't get done until 4:30 and  went grocery shopping and made dinner when I got home and so T and I sat up all night watching a double feature just to relax.  Yes, its already morning now and we have early church. 

YIKES.

Day 129

Had a lovely day of Pilates, Sunflower market, the temple, and La Boehme.  Going to bed way too late, but it was worth it.  Thanks for staying up way too late with me, C. :)

Day 128

I get little C into bed each night by telling her that Wee Willie Winkie is coming up the street and going to be rapping on her window and she wants to beat him before he reaches our house.  It works like a charm, but now I realize that all I want to do is go to bed myself and it's not even 8 pm.  Wee Willie Winkie will be denied here at the Fire house as he cries through the lock.  We are a party, what can I say?

Day 127

My parents' friends were just called on a service mission to Lebanon.  What an awesome time to be on this earth.  I tell you, the places our kids will go, the opportunities they will have.  The opportunities we have right now.  Even just being out of the swing of things for these last 8 days, I realize how much I have, how much I've missed.  I lost my carpool, but now I have time to connect with my son and a new chance to get up with him in the mornings and be present those few short minutes.  The sun was out today and very soon I will be out in it basking like a ginger haired tabby cat. 

In twenty days I will have been married for 15 years.  Look, we haven't made it look easy and there have been times when only the powers of Heaven have saved our rash and feeble hearts, but I tell you what, there is no other man I would rather have.   I watch him with our kids and he is why they are who they are.  He explains gospel principles to me and he makes more sense than anyone else.  I don't know what he's talking about sometimes because its right over my head, but then he looks at me like he's seeing me for the first time and I think maybe I've become someone else, someone gorgeous and arresting and vital and I remember why he turned my head in the first place and that he's got my back.  I've got his too.  I love you, T.  Thanks for feeding me that line.  Glad I fell for it.  xoxo