Day 213

The only way I have to do this story justice is to write it.  I went to camp.  I hadn't been back for twenty years.  I know that I have let some of you read my short story I wrote about that experience at girl's camp two decades ago, but all humor aside, that was a pivotal time in my life.  I know that those "glory" days if you will I had to experience before I went through one of the most trying times a few months later.  Clara Bella Fire Woman was the epitome of all the strengths I had and how much I was looking for acceptance and found it in such a dramatic fashion. 

The fire woman was popular.  She was sought after and wanted.  The girl who moved away from all of that was not.  She was alone...again.  So I went back this time as not even a leader, as a spectator, a friend, a woman who has crossed mountains since that frizzy haired little girl of years' ago.  The girls cheered when I got there and I got strapped up ready to dazzle on the zip line.  I had never done that before and it was exhilarating.   Being with the girls was incredible, being with the camp directors who are dear friends was amazing.  There were some politics and I'm not going to go into all that here, but this was the opportunity for me to face that head on.

There was a talent show the first night.  All the girls and even some of the ladies were running up to the front.  I couldn't get up.  What could I share?  What could I do?  I felt frozen and content to just sit and watch.  The girls were begging me to get up, giving me ideas.  "Do Shakespeare like you did back in high school" (how did they remember that?)  "Sing a show tune" (huh?)  Suddenly, my buddy A, 14 going on 35, grabs my arm.  "You are an actress.  We are doing improv right now."  The girls shout out scenarios and I just knew my heart was afraid.  There were a couple of people in the audience that frightened me, that I felt don't like me at all and so I felt like I was suspended in the moment, not daring to believe what was happening.

My friend C stands up.  She knows me well.  "I want you to share the Fire Woman story."  Suddenly, it fell into place.  I wasn't there for the two people in the audience who gave me pause.  I wasn't there for me.  I was there for these girls.  My mouth started moving and I gave my story.  I had to water it down a bit and let the girls know that all the pranks I pulled weren't something they should do, but I told my story.  The girls loved it.  They all stopped and took turns naming themselves different camp names and someone came up and gave me the headdress they gave to the game winners and it ended up being the culmination of the evening.  The girls surrounded me and asked me to play games with them, visit their tents and I realized that there was an energy there, that maybe I was an energy there. 

The next morning was the devotional.  I mentioned how I was preparing.  I prayed that morning in our tent.  I told Him I was there and willing to say whatever he wanted me to say, but that I needed his help in reaching the girls.  We all sat in a circle.  I told them the rest of the story.  How after I left camp I would move and leave all my friends and even what I felt was like my identity and would  feel utterly alone and how I learned that the Savior was my shelter during that awful storm.   I bore testimony of Him and then I talked to them about how they too can be shelters for each other.  I testified and shed tears and felt the spirit.  I had done what I came to do.


 Bro. P and Bro. B were there for me to hang out with and share stories over meals and to cheer me on.  I rocked the hike and wore myself right down, but spoke to the person I needed to clear the air with all the way back down the mountain.  It was healing.  I realized that we just needed to talk to each other and I saw the world from her point of view and maybe she saw the world from mine and suddenly the politics were over, maybe not for others, but for me.  I realized that I don't have to belong to one "group" or another.  I am a free agent.   I choose to get along with everybody. 

I was able to talk to the girls one on one and I realized that I am in the calling I need to be in right now.  It is not YW's at this time like I originally thought.  I love the girls, but the time is not yet.  I am so blessed.  The Lord knows what I need to help me grow.  He constantly gives me opportunities to stretch outside of my comfort zone. 

Day 212

I'm up late working on the devotional.  I think I know what I need to say, though now it's just organizing it in my head.  I don't really write things out.  I am thinking if I have an idea in my mind of how it should flow, then He will direct me where I should go with it.  I read Gene Cook's book on Teaching By the Spirit a few years ago and I was amazed at the thought of him studying and pondering and praying upon his talk or lesson and then with no more than his scriptures standing at the pulpit and speaking what he was prompted to say.  It goes along the same lines as the scripture of first seeking to obtain the word, so that you might proclaim it and your mind being filled in that very moment with what you need to say if you are prepared.   I have experimented on these words and I have found out for myself that they are true.  I keep thinking I should be terrified, but I feel peace.  I actually don't feel comfortable speaking in front of a group, but he qualifies me in my great weakness.  It hasn't escaped my notice that all these opportunities have come and that I am busier than I've been in as long as I can remember, but that faith is the only fuel I can run on.  I don't have time to be afraid. 

Many of you know how exhausted I am every day.  I don't sleep at night very well and certainly not deeply.  I have to nap every afternoon two hours at least to get through the day.  I know I have been low in minerals, but haven't been sure what I needed.  I took some today and for the first time in...years honestly, I didn't need to fall into bed this afternoon.  I continued to run the errands I needed to and make all the visits I needed to make and I felt like I had energy to spare.  I know it may seem like a small thing, but wow, it was incredible for me.  I pray these minerals will continue to work and will make an impact on my overall healing.  

Day 211

I just got a call that I got my first copy writing assignment.  Not sure what it is yet, but I'm excited.  Not sure when I will have time, but it will all work out.  Thursday is girls' camp.  I bet I am more excited than the girls.  No lie.  They are letting me go on the hike, there's a cot in my tent, and I just may stay for the highlight of testimony meeting.

Just got back from a lovely canyon cook out with the B's.  It rained on us in the jeep all the way home.  No doors,  no top, one of the best days I've had in a long time.  

Day 210

Yesterday, my friend at pilates lent me a book called 'Writing to Change the World' by I can't remember the author's name and it would require me to run upstairs as it's sitting by my bed.  This was right before my PT asked me if I wanted to take the year long course and teach Pole Star Pilates.  I have been giving it some thought.  Part of me would love to.  It is only taught every other year so the next courses wouldn't begin until next fall and most of them are taught on weekends.  I could save up the money by then.  Little C would be in first grade by the time I was ready to take on clients.  I have been trying to picture myself doing pilates as the teacher as opposed to being the student.  It would give me a skill.  T says he can see me doing this more than he sees me being a copywriter, though he thinks I just need to focus on my writing. 

The Change the World author (oh, she wrote 'Saving Ophelia') said that if you as a writer are fuzzy at all in your life, then how can you expect your characters to be anything less than fuzzy?   I have realized that the reason the mother character in my novel is unfinished is because I don't really know my mom, not really, though I long to.  She has always kept herself hidden and because I sense that the story is really about her it's just not clicking.  Add that to the fact that I still don't fully realize myself as a mother and you've got a fuzzy character.  

Day 208

Sending prayers out to my friend K and her hubby and kids.  Love you!

Had a wonderful day with C and our kids.  It was so nice just to relax and do some writing.  Poetry is tough and it's good to have some prompts to assist my flabby writing muscles.  The hours just flew by. :)

T had an interview today.  He feels like it went well and so we'll see.  He has had 4 and it seems like he's getting more calls now, so fingers crossed... I just feel so strongly like we are in the Lord's hands and we will be okay. 

Day 207

I have so many opportunities to write.   And I know I haven't discussed where I am in my novel for awhile.  I'm actually pretty busy writing, just on other things for the past little while.   I rewrote the words to "Sisters" from the old Bing Crosby movie, White Christmas.   My presidency and I are going to perform it at our next enrichment night.  I'm excited and I'm grateful they are all willing to go along with my crazy ideas!!
I may have an opportunity of writing and editing a newsletter each month, and tonight I have spent the evening writing out what I want to say up at girls' camp.  I am supposed to give an early morning devotional after spending time with my two buddies K and C in a tent.   How fun will that be?  Those of you who know me know I'm not exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed at any early morning hour, but I will strive to be in this case. :)  My topic is on shelter.  It started out that I wanted to talk about where the girls can go to find shelter from the storms of life, but I think it's also important to discuss with them how they can be shelters for others.  I'm excited for the experience.  I love the YW in our ward.

Day 206

I now have one item in my portfolio.   I met with the creative director of a local company today and he was impressed by one of my lines and thinks he may be able to use it as well as one other concept I came up with for a future campaign.  He gave me a couple of books to read and wondered if maybe when I go back to school I should go for marketing as opposed to English.  It was fun to have the experience and I find myself looking at ads now and wondering why they work or don't work. 

Here's a story.  I search all day yesterday for accomodations for 50+ guests for the wedding and all the home rentals in Logan are too small and the ones big enough are 45 minutes outside the city.   The hotels don't have the 13 rooms because Aug. 4th is just around the corner and it's rather last minute.  So I find good ole' Super 8 the king of quality (ha) and they not only have the rooms, but they bend over backwards to give me a KILLER deal!!!  I text the bride and she thinks it sounds great.  Her dad, my mentor, the man who invented the PT that is healing me, understandably was not impressed.  He is world renown for the work that he does and informed her that he will ONLY do a Hilton hotel.  A good lesson for me, the queen of the good deal.  In this case, a good deal isn't what the client's father, who is paying these bills, wants. 

I bet I could throw a great wedding on a dime. 

Day 205

Yesterday I was asked to be the wedding coordinator for a friend's wedding.  She will pay me well and I am doing everything from finding accommodations for her 50+ out of town guests, to coordinating with her caterers, baker, decorators, etc.  I have spent a few hours today researching the best price on chairs and trying to get the head of a bbq place on the phone who can make decisions regarding on site catering.  I need cake pans, pie tins, glass bottles, candy dishes, and hoping the luncheon venue is walking distance from the temple. 

This is on top of my other two jobs and I have a copy writing meeting on Friday for a possible gig if I can keep the creative juices flowing.  This sounds like someone else's life.  It's certainly not mine, is it?  I am rewriting the song 'Sisters' from White Christmas so our presidency can perform it next month and I still have to plan my devotional I give to the YW at camp at the end of the month.  I have started multi tasking.  I make and return phone calls in the car.  My friend cut and styled my hair (which is now much shorter) as we went over wedding plans last night. 

If I stop and think too hard about it I may want to run away, so instead I will just go forward.  I have to set aside a few hours a day that are assigned to specific things.  I am very aware of the blessings and opportunities I have received.  Talk about taking me out of my comfort zone.   I can't be hesitant or afraid.   What do I know about coordinating a wedding?  All I know is I want it to be perfect for my friend and so I will do everything I can.   I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.  :) 

Day 203

   So, thank you C for this Versatile Blogger Award. C is the greatest poetess I know and I like to think I have extraordinary taste in poets and friends and she's the IT girl of both.  With this award I have to write seven random facts about my writing.


1-I began writing when I was 7 years old.  I received a journal from my Grandma Arline and she encouraged me to write my feelings which I did faithfully and I wrote my very first poem entitled 'I Love My Baby Brother.'  I tell you it's a classic.

2- I wrote and then starred in all the neighborhood plays.  We charged people, but made no money and I always played the villain.  I wrote a school play in fourth grade and it was fun seeing all my friends have to play the woodland creatures I forced them to play in my Christmasy woodland wonderland.  Heeha...

3- When I was sixteen I moved to Utah and it was a very painful time.  Writing saved my life at this time.  I mean that literally and I really think it's true.  I wrote poem after poem and I think that's why I consider myself a poet at heart.  I would like to think I view the world and interpret it as poetry.

 4-I wish I had the letters I wrote to friends at this time.  I poured my heart out and it would be nice to see it documented now.  I burned all the journals I had of this time and I wish I hadn't. 

5-In college I was a writing tutor.  It was by invitation only and you had to submit a portfolio.  I didn't have a portfolio so I just hurried and wrote some stuff a few hours before the deadline and handed it in.  I was called the next day and they hired me.   The advisor was my writing mentor and I kept in touch with him up until a few years ago.

6-Writing the ward road show was awesome.  Winning first place was probably the happiest day of my life.   

7-I write better with music and each of my characters have specific music they have to listen to.   I hear their voices in my head when I write, but I try not to think too far ahead and still prefer to write one line at a time so I'm not bored.  I like not knowing what to expect.




So, I send out this award to my friend A who inspires me with her tenacity and passion.   When I lose desire to write, she picks me up by the bootstraps and keeps me on the straight and narrow.   She is an amazing writer.  You go, girl.