Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Day 47

Writing is an escape.  The story I can create is not mine and I can travel the world as I long to do.  I am revisiting Curly and her “ghost.”  It is soothing.  Curly has a strong voice and something about her resonates with me. 

I have known for a couple of months now, though I haven’t said anything, but I find myself in a familiar position.  My darling T is being let go from his job (trust me, not because he did anything wrong).  The layoff will be right before Christmas if not sooner.  I apologize for not coming to my nearest and dearest and confiding all.  To be honest, my parents have only known about it for a couple of days.  I found I couldn’t say the words.  I couldn’t make myself admit that it was real, not a story I was creating. 

I have learned that I have faith.  I watch my husband so blessed, so beloved as he ONCE AGAIN goes above and beyond to help everyone and anyone find work.  He has literally helped and placed tons of people.  I watch him mentor young men and established ones as well and give them career advice free of charge.  I watch people come together to put their heads together to find him a great new position.  I know this road.  It is lonely.  Hope, hope, hope, hope.  How did the interview go?  Have you heard back on anything today?  Do we sell the house?  Do we sell the jeep?  What do we do about health insurance?  Oh my gosh, what about physical therapy…trust me, this smoothes off rough edges. 

Having said all of this, I am not afraid.  I am not bitter, only my heart aches for the one I love most.  I have mentioned before that by doing initiatories every week for well over a year that the promises are literally coming fulfilled in my life.  I have made covenants, I pay a full tithe, I have the most darling family, I have a warm extended family and the most AMAZING friends on the planet. 

Christmas will be great.  Luckily we got the kids’ gifts while we still could.  We are keeping things simple and focusing on our Savior and service.  R, I will take you up on writing to your son and son in law and we are getting more service men’s names.  I want to go to retirement homes as well.  I am full of gratitude.  I want for nothing.  I am the richest person in the world.  The great thing about the uncertainty is being cradled in His arms and remembering what means most.  I love Him.  I always say there’s beauty in pain because I get to walk beside Him. 

Back to Curly, I’m trying to adapt her into a novel.  I thought she was finished, but she means a lot to me and maybe through all of this I will find she still has more to say.


  1. Oh man! Not again! You guys are so strong, tho! I know you will be blessed! If you need anything let me know!

  2. This was beautiful.
    We will add our prayers to your faith.

    I love Curly.

  3. Doctrine and Covenants: 101:16

    Doctrine and Covenants 121: 7-9

    Alma 7: 23-24

    The Lord has a plan for you. You are in the thick of it, and cannot see the outcome, or the reasons for the struggles. However, have faith and continue on in hope and steadfastness. One day, all will be made clear, and you will praise the Lord for the sacrifices you've made and the struggles you've faithfully endured, for they will mold you into people worthy of his highest blessings.

    Isaiah 55:8

    1 Corinthians 10:13 (replacing 'temptation' with 'trial')

    ALL my love,

  4. I'm so sorry. I know how this goes. I've been through it and I know that you can get through it, difficult as it may be. I hope he finds a job soon and that things will be okay soon. I'll pray for your family.

    BTW, I love Curly too and I don't think you're finished with her either.