Sunday, August 7, 2011

Day 216

My heart is full.  I hope I can do justice to this.  I want my kids to know and maybe they will if it's in writing here.  This has become my journal in a lot of ways.  I don't often take the time to record in the book sitting next to my book, but I try to be faithful in sharing life here.

I did the wedding.  I worked with my mentor and spent the day in a meeting with him and running over town texting him back and forth.  There was no time to be timid, and he wouldn't have wanted that.  I had to be organized and bold and forthright and above else, I couldn't panic.  T gave me a blessing the night before and I had my mojo back.  It wasn't perfect.  I know this.  I was running ten minutes later than I had said for a meeting with the groom's mom, and the groom had not told us the layout of the venue and he had very specific ideas about table placement so he had to come early to iron things out.  Oh, and I forgot my cell phone on my way out the door to the reception.  On the other hand, my social anxiety melted as I dealt with people and situations I didn't think possible.  I gave all I had and at one point, the bride came over to remind me to eat dinner.  I was everyone's go to gal and I can't believe I remained calm.  Seriously, a power that was not my own.  I had a walkie talkie (yes, I did) and I used it.  If we are basing my job performance on the fun and excitement of the crowd and the money I was paid, then I have to say that it was a success on both counts.  T was an angel.  I kid you not, that he probably ran to the store eight times to grab more ice and he was everywhere helping out.   I have to say this was something I can now cross off my bucket list.  Could I do this again?   Yes.  Do I want to?  I don't think so.  I was really flattered when everyone just assumed I was professional at this.  The manager of the venue came up to me at the end and said it was one of the smoothest experiences and that we left it cleaner than she had seen in a long time.  The photographer told me that the crowd was having more fun than most of the weddings she shoots.  There was swing dancing and don't think that I was too busy to shake it on the dance floor with T.

We got home at midnight and the next morning I stumbled to Pilates, then to work for the doctor, then straight to a baby shower for a less active sister I visit teach, then I came home and kissed my babies I hadn't seen in two days and I spent time with them.  I went to a wedding reception last night and put little C down at 8.  It was then, that I finally had a moment to think on the Relief Society lesson I needed to give the next morning.  I prayed.  I knew it would be okay.  The topic of faith came into my mind and I searched out three scriptures that I felt like the Lord wanted me to share.  Then I went to bed.  I knew he would bless me.  I had done all I could physically, mentally, spiritually do.  Now the rest was up to Him.

This morning I stood and I let Him take over.  He did.  He has never failed me before and He never will.  It is only my own faith or even lack of it that can make the difference.  And now, I will rest.  Now, I will sleep. 

Now is this all I have to share?  My Physical Therapist called me in to see her.  They are looking to hire someone and they had a big meeting about it.  It was unanimous.  The PTs, trainers, and front office staff want me to come and work with them.  Now bear in mind, I haven't approached them about a job.  They know T's out of work, but they also know I'm doing several other things to bring in money.  She told me they trusted me, they liked me, felt like I would treat their clients the same way that they treated them and then she proceeded to tell me what a huge honor it was that everyone could agree on it being me.  She said that never happens.

I'm not saying this to say look at me, I'm cool.  I'm sorry if it sounds that way.  I wish I could describe that moment.  It was the afternoon before the wedding and I couldn't focus on that right now, though it meant a great deal.  I told her that I needed time, that I was so flattered, and that I would love to work with them, but that I was a mommy first and I needed to figure out if that was feasible.  She said that they would be willing to work with me at every turn, and that if I only came in 8 or 9 hours a week, that would be ok.  She said they just really wanted me there.  She told me that I would have unlimited free classes per week and a significant discount on the other providers.  She said she would pay me more because she trusts me and thought I would approach things the way that she would.

That night at the wedding, I saw all the employees.  They all came up to me.  They want me there.  My first instinct is to take it and run.  You know how much I love them.  You know how it would provide an incredible amount of missionary work as there is only one other member of the church that works there, and that I would save hundreds and hundreds of dollars just on my care by taking it.  But I know that I will sacrifice a lot and I know where my priorities lie.  In two years, it will be a no brainer.  Little C will be in first grade  I will be there.  I think I've known since I've started training that this facility would play a significant role in my life.  But T and I also agreed right off the bat that I would be home with these kiddos.  Don't worry.  I'm fasting and praying.  I know the Lord will answer me and make it all work out and that what He has planned will be what I will do. 

Wow.  What an adventure.


  1. Ack! I want to talk to you but you're probably already unconscious.

  2. Wow, Rachel. I know how it feels to go back to work even when you really want to be with your kids, but this sounds heaven-sent. And as long as T is not working, he'll be with them. Anyway, this is a huge decision.

    But doesn't it feel good to be wanted though?