Day 232

Howdy.  I'm here.  Working hard.  I did a chart audit today and that was pretty cool.  I was essentially by myself at the front desk for six hours.  It wasn't the prettiest picture, but the job got done and I felt nice and proud of myself.  I spent time going through the channels until I got to the recorder's office at the temple.  They needed my interview in person as to why I feel there should be handicapped options for a temple entrance.  Cool.

It will be at least a year until that happens.  C'est la vie.  At least I tried and took one for the "I'm gimpy, but don't look it" crowd.  It is always so embarrassing to knock and wave at cute little senior citizens who don't look like they can open heavy doors either and then try to explain why I, by all accounts healthy looking fire woman, need them to strain their backs for me.

T's in the running for three jobs.  I told him when this is over he is taking me away...indefinitely.  Ok, so maybe for like more than one day, if we're lucky, I think.

In other news, C has the opportunity to start violin for free from an amazing teacher.  He has never taught before, but plays beautifully and has a violin for C to use.  C wasn't sure the violin would be his thing, but for free lessons I asked him to try it out.  He won't start for three weeks because he has scouts twice a week and soccer twice a week and I think that's too much.  His piano teacher is traveling for a little while so this seemed like an opportune time once soccer season is over. 

I was going to try and do one of those cleanses everyone talks about, but then I realize I like pasta way too much.  If liking pasta means I need to keep this belly, it may be here to stay.  N, my trainer is trying to prepare me so that I will be ready to certify to teach mat classes by next fall.  She says I need to be in shape.  I train three times a week and I'm not in shape.  I'm trying to bike with T and want to start running with L, and ya'll know my anti sweet and cheese thing.  I can't give up pasta and bread though and go to a 80/20 veggie thing, can I? 

T says no way and my body says....CARBS and so here I am.  I need to be in shape in a year so that people won't look at me and say why should I take class from you, Frumpy McFrumperston?

I've missed it here.

Day 231

There has been a flood at C's school so he has been out of school since Wed. morning when we all raced to pick the students up.  We just got an email that says estimated start date will be next Wednesday.  I feel so bad for the school, but C is loving having some unexpected time off.

T has had a couple of amazing interviews, so we both feel like its just a matter of time.  There have been so many blessings we have received while he has been home this long summer.  I have picked up a couple of extra hours at one of my jobs on Saturday so that will help too.  We will be moving into a different building at the PT office in October so there is much to do.

And I sent off the first rough draft of the novel to my own hubby and members of my writing group to check out.  It was pretty hard for me.  I think it's important that I work on something else now, so as not to lose momentum.  

Day 230

I have been pensive the last two days.  Yesterday I had some amazing experiences in visiting with certain women in my ward as I went out with little C in the stroller.  I try to take walks with her and be out so I can go and visit where I feel I need to and also because it always forces me out of my very strong comfort zone.  I challenge myself out of my comfort zone when I can and trust me, it doesn't come naturally.  Naturally, I would be hibernating. 

Anyway, another thing I did yesterday was defend my child.  After defending my child by telling the other child to stop kicking said child and telling the child that if it continued I would need to call the parents, I received a profanity laced phone message from a man who doesn't know me who is the father of this other child.  Luckily, I didn't listen to it, but T did and he answered appropriately.  It left me reeling.   He never asked what his child did, or try to understand the truth of what happened.  He just screamed.  I admit I was worried about repercussions for my own child over this, but I cannot shrink or I could not have allowed what was going on to continue without intervening. 

I was left praying for this other family for hearts to be softened, as threats were made against me and yes, even my child by this man.   T assured the man with all of his Italian sensibilities, that that would not be wise on this man's part, but seriously, I have never witnessed anything like this man's reaction.  I will tell you what, I now understand a little more about his children's actions based on his reaction to them.  Yikes.  I have a lot more to say about this, but I will leave it at this and continue to pray over the matter.

I will send out my novel tomorrow night to interested parties.

Day 229

56,140 words.  I am working on one more scene and then I will be done with this first draft.  On Thursday I will be sending this novel out to some friends and have them read it for me if they are willing.  I am proud of myself for finishing this.  I pulled out Curly and read it again.  I think I will be ready to take a look at that story again once I've finished this.  It feels so good to be writing.  It feels even better to have finished a goal I set.

Day 228

I'm almost done.  I wanted to do Pilates tonight, but was a good little girl and wrote.  I am bound and determined to send this out for reading on the 15th and so I'm trying to work sometimes in the wee hours of the night (which is after 10 for this old lady) so it will be somewhat ready.
I hate this part of it.  I'm so scared that it won't be good and I need to know if it isn't any good, but that will be hard to hear. 
A lady I know said she had heard that I was a good writer and I asked her if she had ever read anything I've written.  "No," she said, "but I believe what I've heard."   She then looked at me searchingly, and asked, "Do you believe it?"

And it is in that question, where the whole point lies, for every writer's heart.  Do I believe I am a good writer?  Do all of us who labor to tell a story, bear our souls, believe that we have something of value, worth sharing, worth leaving our mark for?  And I finish this novel, not even because I think it's the best thing I've ever written, but because I grow as I write it and there's value in that journey. 

Day 227

I watched videos today of little C as a baby.  I didn't even recognize her.  After a trying evening attempting to get her down to bed, those baby days are foreign to me.  T and I looked at each other and wondered where that baby had gone.  Now there is a willful mini teenager, otherwise known as toddler, up there screaming for her father.

You aren't going to believe this, but as I am writing this, T just came down the stairs after having gone in her room.  He told me that when he got up there, little C was sitting up in her bed and said, "Daddy, I just called you up to so I could tell you I'm sorry."  Then she laid down in her bed.

I will eat crow right now.  She is an articulate, intelligent, dramatic, and sensitive soul.  Wow, how humbling to me.

I didn't write today, but had literary leanings with J as we discussed motivations for our characters.  I love laughing with you J, and I love that we did this...again.  Thanks for being the GENEROUS friend that you are!!

Day 226

Worked more on the novel tonight.  I don't know how to finish this.  I wish I was Zusak.  I want my prose to sound like poetry.  I want every word to drip with meaning and not only am I not exactly clear on my character's motivations, I am less than clear on my own.   With my ghost story, the voice was very clear.  With this novel, I struggle with making each character's voice unique.  I feel as though I am getting better with dialogue, something I've always struggled with.  I still need to get to So. Cal. and walk in these places.  I think it would help, but it isn't essential.  My main character is weak and I don't love her.  The psychopath boyfriend is fascinating to me.  The mother is strong and over the top and missing chunks.  I have mentioned before that she is the key to this story, but I'm still struggling with her character. 
 


Watched Soul Surfer with the kids.  They loved it.  It was a great movie with a great message based on a true story.  I highly recommend it. 

Day 225

So I've had this thing that probably everybody is experiencing.  I've been dizzy for days, but am functioning and walking around.  Is it walking flu?  It comes with a hefty sized headache, but mostly the slightest thing makes me dizzy.  Oh, like reading, writing, driving, walking, breathing.  The other day I almost fainted as I stood in someone's living room and coming home from the canyon with some girlfriend's, I thought I was going to have to stick my head out the window.  And yet, everybody around me is fine.  Weird.  T thinks my body is just rebelling from running around too fast.  He gave me a blessing last night since Thursday's are my 12 hr. days and I was able to function, but tonight as I sit and write, the room is spinning.  Who knows? 

Congrats, J.  You're a star. 
Happy Birthday tomorrow, K.   I'll call you.