I read this quote I think by Monson in the talk I gave a couple of weeks ago about the Lord shaping the back on which he places a burden on. I relate to that so well given that I have gone from hunched over to relatively straight to feeling hunched again recently by the onslaught of whatever my thyroid is secreting into my system. Sorry for the mental picture there.
I don't know why it's getting so much worse. I talked to my sister who is in remission from this and she said hers never got this bad. T thinks it's just my body is different having come from a whole lot of varied medical adventures along the way and I think it's me being compelled to be humble. He gets mad at me when I say it and I don't look at it exactly in those strong of terms so it sounds friendlier to allude to the bending the back quote.
If you look to a few posts ago I felt like we were in a time where our little family was living after the manner of happiness and the things I was doing with them and for them were so vital and now I sleepwalk through my days. A huge theme of the RS conference was to AWAKE as women and today in 2nd Nephi I was reading the part where Lehi keeps telling his sons to AWAKE and shake off their sins and all I want to do is sleep. Is that a theme for being alert and watchful for me perhaps when I get better and be awake then and I'm just experiencing an opposition in all things so that when I can be AWAKE I will embrace that by remembering this again?
I'm rambling again. I'm coming from a very tired place. T says I need to go up and eat since my appetite is gone. He helps me remember, but my stomach just recoils at the thought. So now I will focus on something I wish I had taken a picture of today. At the Draper temple (T was so mad at me for going today!) And it probably was a mistake. I'm paying for it. I really wanted to be at C's last soccer game and shamefully I couldn't even get up into a seated position because I wore myself out. But...because of 10/11/12 today there were 15 weddings and one of them had navy blue fifties style bridesmaids dresses with burnt orange sashes and they were holding burnt orange Japanese style parasols like they have in fruity drinks. You know the ones I mean? IN.LOVE. Makes me want to get married all over again or at least be asked to be a bridesmaid for that bride. If I had a "happy place" where everything was perfect, that is what everyone would be wearing for at least one day. Except for T...he would look ridiculous with a parasol.
Good night.
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