Day 266

Doing NaNoWriMo again.  I can't believe its been two years since I finished writing the novel.  Now I'm using this November to edit it and flesh it out.  I have so much work to do.  How has it taken me so long to pull it out again?  It's good for me.  It kicks my butt.  That's what I need.

I only did like 700 words because editing isn't as freeing as raw words.  I have no idea if I will even get to the 50,000 goal this time.  I was talking to K tonight and we talked about her tennis.  She plays in tournaments, practices three times a week.  It's her thing and she's winning plaques and taking it seriously.  It felt nice when she asked what was going on in my life to say I had picked up my novel again.  Because truthfully it felt like the only thing I could tell her about ME.  Not about T or the kids or my health or my calling or duties or anything, but about ME.  Tennis is her thing and writing is mine.

I've been struggling with how I feel about myself lately.  I have felt left out.  It's actually a crazy feeling.  I'm not left out, but the feelings have been so real.  Thank you C for calling me in a perfect moment and just putting it all in perspective for me.

I know that sounds so weird.  I'm really involved, much to my detriment almost and it's that 'lonely in a crowd' feeling.  There's Firewoman, she knows everyone, knows what's happening here and there and everywhere, but it's slippery.  Weird.  There's something important I need to learn here, but it's late and I've been writing the evening away.