Day 247

I talked it over with T last night.  We hashed out ideas and brought to the surface things I already know.  I know I'm supposed to teach.  It says it not 1,2,3, but 4 times in my Patriarchal blessing.  Hmmm...I wonder if I'm supposed to teach-haha.  I already know that I want to teach teenagers and how many people actually want to do that?  I looked into taking classes at the U and it will cost me $40,000 to just experience my junior and senior there and come out with an English degree.  I already have my AA degree and it still will cost a small fortune just to finish my BA.  I could get a teaching grant, but then I belong to the federal govt for four years after I graduate and have to work for at risk situations full time and that just seems like servitude to me. 

Here's a wild idea.  I would love love love to teach seminary.  Now in any other state that would just be an early morning calling I would have.  Here it even says on the website that due to the extremely high level of interest in candidates here to please pick a plan b.  I'm still going to go for it.  That feels really right to me.  I will need to take a couple classes at the U (waiting for little C to be in first grade of course) then do a whole bunch of student teaching, and then hope that they will pick me out of hundreds of candidates.  I feel like if its meant to be it will be.  And meanwhile I write.  My maid of honor T and I are throwing a chapter out back and forth of our life stories and its kicking my butt in gear to not only write, but to get into my own head at different points of my life and gain some clarity as well and that can only be a good thing particularly as I look forward to my destiny.

I dusted off Curly and I think about her all the time.  I seriously love the story.  I wasn't ready to write on her for the longest time, but maybe I am now.  Now that is a story that has my heart laid bare on a page.  In all its innocent gory detail.  It's why writing is magic.  Its a form of expression wherein we communicate with ourselves, and yet the characters aren't really us, they're all the life experience we've picked up and carried in our pockets all these years and finally able to give voice to.  And boy, they want to talk.  We can either listen to them or pretend they're not there and it will only torture us in the end.

Thanks A for all your lovely support.