Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Day 176

 I am anxious, but trying not to be.  There is a lot going on with T's job and it isn't good.  C is having issues at school and we were in an hour long meeting yesterday.  Add to that my sister's stalker who spent a night in jail for refusing to talk to officer's has filed a motion to fight my sister's stalking injunction against him so now my sister has been in court having to rehash all this man has done to her.  I just finished writing out my statement to be notarized tomorrow, but will probably have to go testify next week.  The thought of seeing this monster again after all these years makes my blood run cold.  If it was just that, then ok, but with everything else going on in my family it is making me feel as if I'm stretched to the breaking point.

I had my season of peace and now it's come to an end.  I am having a hard time wanting not to stay in bed hiding every morning, but I know I need to have faith.  Whatever happens, I know the Lord is with me.  Sometimes I don't want to be strong, I don't want to testify in court, I want my son to be happy, I want my husband to be happy and successful and I wish my computer hadn't crashed.  Currently, I am using T's work laptop so I only have it a little while in the evenings, so I may not be online very much. 

I wrote C a long letter and I ended it with my testimony and my love.  I do have both of those things right now and it will all be just fine and I KNOW it will all be ok, it just seems overwhelming right now.  I hope this is making sense.  I am really tired.  Good night.  I will try and write more soon.

The Fire Woman


  1. I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. It kind of makes you wish you could just crash, like a computer, be out of commission for awhile, but you're a mom (and sister and wife), right? So it doesn't work that way. But because of who you are, you have to be there for the people you love and I know you will be given the strength you need in the moments you need it.
    We have to talk more soon.

  2. I'm so sorry your going through so much right now. Please let me know how I can help, we'd love to have little C come play any time so you can do whatever (go to court, take a nap, write, etc...).


  3. If you're not following Shannon Hales Squeetus Blog, you should. She offers great insight into writing, motherhood, and life in general. I think you'd like it...

  4. That doesn't sound good. I'm sorry too that things aren't going well. Hugs!

  5. Rachel, I have a blog award for your writing blog (come see my writing blog for details!).

  6. Hold strong! I was going through something similar about a year ago, and I was pregnant to top it off. I was feeling like the Lord was giving me "no" as an answer to all my prayers and I didn't know why.
    I was asking for good things, other people where asking for them too, so why weren't they happening? Then my little girl was born. It was a very traumatic experience (I nearly had her in the car) but I felt Lords power. I decided that he watches out for us even when things are hard. Once I came to terms with this, all my prayers where answered, just in a different (and better) way. Keep hanging in there!